i’m so happy that the universe finally rid me of the weight I had in my heart. It pulled me to the lowest point in my life where I re-wrote my version of hamlet.

seriously, it’s indescribable. it could only go up from here.

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seeking elf confidence.

I really think it’s the little things in life that matters the most. I tink that not everyone is appreciated as much as they should be therefore whenever someone does something genuinely nice I never forget to express my sincere gratitude. I seem to always raise others up. And in doing so I forget about the value of my own sense of worth. 

 

WHy have I been doing this to myelf all my life? I’m neither ugly not obese. I’m not dumb. In fact, I was raised by a doctor and surrounded by nurses, profesors and engineers. The baby boomer crowd seems to enjoy my company and converations. I have been given all the tools I need to succeed. Ive jut been ignoring on focuing all my energy onto myelf instead of always pleasing others. I say I don’t yet I’m not meeting my fullest potential yet. I know im way better than this. Yet I always put myelf down. I remember I was so shocked to get into AP history in 11th grade because I didnt think I belonged in the Ap crowd.

 

What happened to the iya who was so sweet and intelligent. Who was quick at olving math problem and quick at making poetry.  Beautiful poetry too. What happened to the iya who visualized herself as a leader.

 

it was once there. it can come backk.

i write all these inpisring posts only to write a self depricating one the following day. i need to be persistent. i think i need to admit and accept that i can’t be alone. well, maybe just in my home. i stress out too much about all of the problems at hand. but i can sit by myself in a secluded area in the library. maybe thats the solution to my academic problems. first it was my dad, then time management, and just knowing what surroundings works for me. too bad it took this long. it’s so discouraging to have brilliant ideas that i’m so enthusaiastic about and think that i should’ve started 3 years ago. i would’ve been 3/4 done with college by now. and maybe going into my masters in a couple of years.

sophia aguilar: you can’t do this to yourself. the other day you were excited about your half birthday and celebrated your youth. you have so much to learn and experience. everyone has their time. stop focusing on the past. right now, focus on the present. and if you give it your all every second. you’ll get to where you want if you dont give up.

transparent

I believe that every individual has unique characteristic that is solely the foundation of their personality. No matter how the individual grows in his or her perspective that certain characteristic will never fade. Mine is appreciating the little things in life and always letting others know how much they are appreciated and assure them the good aspects about themselves. Although it seems that I always forget about myself in this equation. I put others before me, praise their talents and look into myself and fear that I cannot achieve my goals and just entirely not have self confidence in the area that matters the most. But you know what? I’m fucking sick and tired of this shit. It’s time not to be so fucking weak.

I always cry because I don’t have a dad. Fucking weak. So many people have a dad but don’t even give a shit about them. Some people have a dad who is a useless wreck. Some people are paralyzed and still run the olympics. Some people are in poverty and have hope and work hard everyday to get their hit together. Yes, I don’t have a dad. It sucks. But I bet if I talk to him right now he’d tell he to man up and deal with this fucking world. He had fucking cancer. And not one day just said he was scared of tired and just going to end his life earlier. No he fucking endured that mother fucking pain. In that, I must carry on his legacy.

listen, i’m  sick and tired of you doubting yourself. you have this fucking fear of keeping yourself from fully living and experiencing life because you have so many worries that you built up yourself. you’re weak. and if you keep thinking this way you’ll end up nowehere. just have faith, motherfucker. with you doubting yourself you quit before even trying. you’re a quitter. you start something enthusiastically and when you reach points of difficulty or boredom you quit. What is wrong with this picture?  In you past diaries you whin about how you shouldve listened to your father “education, education, education.” Did he not emphasize it enough for you? “Wala nang pulus nang arte.” Where is fashion taking you right now tell me? that’s right, a slave for a minimum wage job. get yourself together. stop looking for these motivational qoutes. you have it in you already. you’re marter than you thinkn you are. just think before you do and speak. and also you idiot, make decision to benefit your future, not at the moment.

i apologize in advance for being angry butt..

I hate everything and everyone right now

I hate being poor

I hate that everyone keeps shoving the mindset of practicality in my mind

FUCK, brainwashed fools. All the successful people were rejected many times in their life and you cant give other people hope?

Well fuck you. Fuck you very much.

I once had everything. I had a family consisting of 6 siblings and a mother and a father. Now I only have myself. The death of my brother AND FATHER has deeply affected my family in our relationship towards each other. Especially my sister who is ignorant to see that her mother needs her. Who is ignorant to help her when she only earns $600 per paycheck. What the fuck. seriously. fuck. I’m not used to this. I have so many greatt ideas yet no one believes in me anymore. I have to believe in myself enough to actually commit to one fucking project and do great at it. Shit. I will be succesfful i willl be successful! 

Branding Myself Experiment Day 1

be the person you’d like to meet, you’d like to become, the person you wish you could be because nothing is stopping you from achieving those goals. Focus on what you like about yourself, what you love about yourself use them for you own benefit. Acknowledge your flaws and weaknesses think of ways as to how to use those for the better, to improve yourself. This is an everyday journey. All that matters is that you feel accomplished after everyday as if there were no tomorrow, yet plan and plan intelligently for the many years to come. For those who do not have goals find themselves astray in the labyrinth of life. With all this being said, only you have the power to write the story of your life, be your own puppeteer and manage your ship into the land where your fantasies meet reality. Always have heart but don’t let your emotions be an obstacle to your long term goal. Although it may seem impossible at this moment, soon you will find yourself in the position you’ve longed desired with a tenacious mind and persistence.