vent: april 6, 2012

i think life is all about timing. it still trips me out how a one small change of actions can alter your life. for example if i didn’t go to a certain show last year, a certain couple may not be together or I may not have gotten back with my ex-boyfriend…Things change, and even though I may yearn for a certain feeling or a certain relationship I had in the past I guess there’s an important reason why they are not in my present. I know this is cliche but I am just fucking annoyed of all the little things I have put my self through- i say that because recently I realized that “you are your own obstacle.”

I have been dating my best friend but not really….it kills me. at the moment it may seem nice, feel nice and all that bullshit. But i see my self entering another pattern i never wanted to be involved in once more. I want things to be constant, especially in that area. I believe that emotions can either make a person or break a person…but in one way or another it can affect someone a lot. When I take interest in someone and they take interest in me, I want to be sure for both of us to want the same thing, and not have these things linger on or be friends with benefits for what seems like a few months. Because, that shit is juvinile and will never work out. It’s either we’re friends and we stick to the boundaries of friends, we’re dating-hence we don’t call each other friends, or we’re in a commited relationship. And although one may say they don’t like to play games, they are playing games in a way that things aren’t a 100 percent clear.

I know that I am not telling this story in a great grammatical and well constructed way, but right now, I am slightly pissed off at the world and myself. I know there’s school, but if two people can’t fight their feelings for each other a compromise should be made to have space for personal responsibilities and still have a grand time with each other.

As much as I want to take care of someone, cook for someone, and have cute dates etc. I don’t think I’m ready to be in a relationship. And I know people can date as long as a year before being completely committed, but I don’t think I buy that shit. After a couple months or so both of you should know what you want, or else you’ll be fucking wasting your time. And time, is the most fucking precious thing of all. We may not realize it but we could compare ourself and time to hair and time- you know it grows, but you don’t realize it until it grew it great lengths. gaaaaaaaahfrsjnbvidsbvhisbid.

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